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Queens
Chronicle- April 28, 2007 |
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To make sense of a typical speed dating event,
let’s start with the numbers. Fifteen ostensible
bachelors, ages 35 to 45, pay $32 apiece (not
including the price of drinks) to mingle with 15
eligible women, ages 32 to 42. They spend five
minutes apiece in a whirlwind meet-and-greet that
spans almost two hours and — fingers crossed — ends
up sparking at least one or two mutual romantic
interests.
Then you go home, usually alone.
And that may not be such a bad thing, because
when you wake up the next morning, there is usually
no crippling hangover or unfamiliar bedfellow to
greet you. There’s just a short, sweet note in your
e-mail inbox: “You have a mutual match!”
Congratulations: Somebody you like likes you
back.
“That’s the whole appeal of these events: they’re
safe ... low risk,” explains matchmaking impresario Jay Rosensweig, who has been hosting romantic
shindigs in Queens for nearly a decade — and not
just speed dating events. He is also the
self-professed inventor of nearly a dozen spin-offs,
including speed bowling, speed cooking, speed
dancing, speed golf and speed pool.
“They’re all just different takes on the same
basic theme: Get people together in a room —
especially people who, maybe, need a little more
prodding than others — and give them the chance to
interact in a structured, non-threatening place,
where they run minimal risk of rejection,” he says.
And who doesn’t need a little prodding from time
to time? At 8 p.m. on a recent Saturday, the scene
at Lucky’s bar in Bayside is not terribly different
from the first half-hour of a middle-school dance.
Women cluster in small groups near the bar, while
guys survey the room from the wall, nursing a beer
and not saying much.
They came to interact but nobody is interacting.
Enter matchmaker Jay. Sensing the early trepidation,
he lays out a stack of cards atop the bar, then
urges the daters to pluck a few from the top of the
pile.
“What are those for?” asks one observer. The
answer soon become evident. At the far end of the
bar, a pair of blonde 30-something women furtively
approach a couple of 40-something men. The blonder
of the two, clutching one of Jay’s little cards,
quickly shoots her “icebreaker” question at the
gentlemen. “If you were a car, what kind of car
would you be, and why?” she asks, while her
curly-haired wingmate giggles at the inane
proposition, then takes a turn reading her own
question. The men smile, and offer their replies.
Jay eyes the two couples. “Nobody wants to make
the first move anymore ... My job is to give them a pretense for talking.”
Twenty minutes later, icebreaker questions have
led to livelier palaver, and Jay decides to move
things forward. Pulling out his stopwatch, the
matchmaker ushers participants to their barstools,
then lays out the basic routine for the rest of the
evening.
Each participant will get one pencil, one
clipboard and over a dozen “score sheets” to keep
tabs on all 15 dates. After each round, daters get
60 seconds to scribble more notes and, hopefully,
decide whether they want a second date, before
moving on to the next dater.
“Remember, people, you are not looking to get
married after five minutes,” Jay warns, just moments
before sounding the starting bell. “You are just
looking for a spark — a spark! — of interest. That’s
all.”
Four-time speed dater Melissa, 38, of Bayside
puts it a little more bluntly: In five minutes, all
you can find out is who can’t carry a conversation.
Everybody else is a potential.
In either case, the time limit is always the
saving grace, says Heidi, 32, of Douglaston. If the
date is going well, the referee (in this case, Jay)
always seems to arrive too soon, hurrying daters
along to their next rendezvous and leaving the pair
wanting more. If the date is a catastrophe, the
five-minute cutoff becomes a “Get Out of Jail Free”
card.
Billy, 39, of Ridgewood, has his own way of
averting a disaster. Any time an awkward lull
appears imminent, the veteran speed dater whips out
a little green index card with a ready-made talking
point. Key among Billy’s most outstanding traits are
his dreams, goals and aspirations; and other
“personal stuff they might like to know,” he says.
“Believe me, I don’t just sit there and run
everything off from a card,” he explains. “I just
like to throw some of these things into the mix, if
it’s the right moment.'
What should speed daters know about Billy? “Well,
one thing,” he replies, palming his card, “is I
believe in always being a positive person. ... If
nothing else, it lets them know I’m being honest
with them.”
By the end of two hours, the Bayside speed daters
are exhausted from putting their best foot forward
15 times over. Many have turned in their score cards
and are trickling out of the bar, all of them alone.
In the morning, they will find out, via e-mail,
whether any of the daters who piqued their interest
have reciprocated.
In the meantime, the bar is filling with its
regular 10 o’clock patrons — a different crowd that
appears to abide by more traditional routines of
courtship: approaching after eye contact, buying a
drink (or several), getting a number, inviting
someone home.
It’s a routine that works for some, but not
others. “It’s like when you see that hottie over
there,” says Billy, still holding his index card and
eyeing a young blond who has just arrived with her
friends. With speed dating, “you actually have a
chance to go talk to her.”
So why not go talk to her now, after the event is
over? Offer to buy her a drink, maybe, then strike
up a conversation, suggests an observer.
He pauses for a moment, then shrugs off the idea.
“Nah,” he replies, folding his index card in half
and slipping it into his pocket. “I should probably
take off soon.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
March 15, 2006
Girls Night Out Video on
CNN
"Usage of
this CNN material does not constitute an implied or
express endorsement by CNN"
-------------------------------------------------------
March 2006-Speed
Dating on News 12 Long Island
--------------------------------------------------------Newsday,
December 21, 2005
Love may be in the air, really
New ways to get a date by the new year
BY JUDITH H.
BERNSTEIN
STAFF WRITER
Excerpt:
Love at top speed
Speed dating's nothing new. But Jay Rosensweig comes
up with ways to make it intriguing. Piggybacked onto a
Mets game, a Bon Jovi concert or a bowling match, his
speed-dating sessions on WeekendDating.com offer
something for most interests. "I'm a bachelor myself,"
the Bayside resident says, and, when he decided to
take a cooking class, he says he thought, "Why take it
alone?"
At A la Carte Culinary in Lynbrook, he divvied up
attendees into three groups, each focusing on a
different course. After they cooked the meal, the
whole group ate together. "There are some people who
are intimidated by traditional speed dating,"
Rosensweig says. "This eases them in." Future
sessions, most of which take place on Long Island,
include a defensive- driving class - "If you're going
to be bored for six hours, you might as well make some
friends" - set for late January that includes a bagel
breakfast and pizza for lunch, and a CPR class, where
Rosensweig plans to create teams of three men and
three women to work together. Prices vary, but many
events are $30 to $50.
Activities are grouped by age range. In some cases,
the men's ages skew older than the women's.
------------------------------------------------
New York Times December 11, 2005
Long Island Journal
Tweaking Girls'
Night
Published: December 11, 2005
FINDING a new mate has not been easy for Alma
Cardenas, 42, a computer engineer from Nesconset who
was married for seven years before her divorce five
years ago. Since her most recent romantic
relationship broke up last summer, Ms. Cardenas
said, she had been to five events for singles and
was lucky to get a guy's phone number - or be asked
for her own - at one of them.
Maxine Hicks for The New York Times
Jay Rosensweig, founder of
singles dating company, also plans mixers
where women seeking potential friends and
activity partners can meet other women.
But it is not just men Ms. Cardenas is pining to
meet. She is also looking for female friends.
"The hardest thing is to establish a circle of
friends, a circle of single people," Ms. Cardenas
said. "The idea of having a fun time for myself and
meeting single women is very attractive. It takes
away the scariness of doing the single thing, and
puts a fun element in it."
As the friends they have known from young
adulthood commit to relationships, marry and have
children, single women in their 30's, 40's and 50's,
especially in the suburbs, often find themselves out
of the loop. Tagging along with couples becomes
awkward, and the common ground of shared experience
dwindles. The single friend may feel stuck in a
rerun of "Sex and the City" while the married friend
has moved on to the Wisteria Lane of "Desperate
Housewives."
"If I want to spend time with my friends, I have
to go to my friends' kid's parties," Ms. Cardenas
said. "Sometimes it's fun, but it's a drag. It's a
reminder that I'm single."
The gulf can seem widest for those who have never
married, like Jill Hughes, a 42-year-old
chiropractor from Rocky Point who is still looking
for Mr. Right.
"A lot of women my age are married or have kids,"
Dr. Hughes said. "They are just on a different path
in their lives. They are not interested in going out
or doing anything with the singles scene. I am still
looking to go out, to meet men."
Evidently, that "last one without a ring" feeling
isn't just a social phenomenon, it's also a
marketing opportunity - the one behind the latest
twist in matchmaking events on the Island: the
single-women-only mixer.
One recent afternoon found Ms. Cardenas and Dr.
Hughes headed for such a mixer at the Elizabeth
Arden Red Door Spa at the Walt Whitman Mall.
Not only would they have a chance to commiserate
with other unattached women over fresh fruit, sushi
and cucumber water, they would also choose from a
menu of pampering treatments, from mini-facials to
professional makeup applications, having their hair
blown out and attending a group lesson on skin care.
Afterward, relaxed, primped and perhaps bonded,
the 18 women would move straight on to the more
traditional half of the double-barreled event: a
men-and-women singles party at Cirella's, a
restaurant in the mall.
The strategy, Ms. Cardenas said, was win-win,
whether or not she found her soulmate.
"Meeting women and men - it's a good two
options," Ms. Cardenas said. "Doing the spa thing,
if all goes wrong, you walk away with your facial.
If all goes right, you make some new friends. If it
goes extremely well, you walk out with a potential
guy's phone number or being asked your phone
number."
Jay Rosensweig, the founder of
weekenddating.com, a three-year-old company that
runs singles events, came up with the idea for the
women's mixer after several women who came to his
company's matchmaking events on the Island
complained about having no single friends.
Mr. Rosenswieg's company specializes in the
musical-chairs-style events known as speed dating,
with men and women matched up for four to five
minutes at a time to share the event's activity -
bowling, perhaps, or rock climbing or cooking -
before moving on to the next potential partner.
"There is a lot of luck involved, as far as who is
there the night you are there," said Mr. Rosensweig,
who is 34 and single. The women who take part, he
said, often found they enjoyed talking to other
women more than to the men.
"The comments would constantly be, 'I didn't make
a love connection, but I made a great new friend,' "
Mr. Rosensweig said. So he canvassed the 5,000
single people on his e-mail list and, based on their
very positive reaction, decided to develop an
organized way for women to meet potential friends
and activity partners.
Gianna LoBuono, the general manager of the Red
Door, who is single herself, knew Mr. Rosensweig from
a Long Island Junior Chamber of Commerce meeting. She
offered the spa as a neutral but welcoming environment
where women could get to know one another, a place
away from the mate-hunting grounds where they would
all be after the same prey.
"In a club, it is more like a competition," Ms.
LoBuono said. "Who looks better? It's a little bit
more intimidating in that environment." But in the
spa, she said, "You are not alone. You have a friend.
You have someone in the same situation as you."
At singles events for men and women, Dr. Hughes
said, she often got "that standoffish thing" from
other women. So the women-only mixer at the spa was a
refreshing change, a chance to be cohorts instead of
rivals. "In this kind of situation, it's a lot more
relaxed," she said.
As an aesthetician slathered a creamy mask on her
face, Marjorie Adler, 52, a lawyer from Valley Stream,
said the mixer was just an excuse to indulge herself
with pampering treatments.
"There's nothing lost in coming to this," Ms. Adler
said. "But it is better to come with women who you
have something in common with. If I came here with
everybody who is married and has kids, all they are
going to talk about are topics that I can't relate
to."
Making new friends of either sex has gotten harder
as she has gotten older, Ms. Adler said. And if she
happened to meet a new love interest at the
matchmaking event, well, "that would be amazing," she
said.
Robyn Philip Norton, 37, a medical scientist who
lives in Long Beach, met Gail Admoni, 38, a diamond
wholesaler from Kew Gardens Hills, at one of Mr.
Rosensweig's speed-dating events. While the two women
didn't find any suitable men, they struck up a
friendship with each other and signed up for the
single women's night out together.
"It was quite fun, just meeting someone else that
we had something in common with, so we could come to
these events together," Ms. Norton said.
Ms. Admoni, who has never been married, said her
married friends always included her in social events,
but that did not bring her any closer to being
married.
"I always feel I should be doing something to meet
people," she said. "With my married friends, I know
they are not going to be doing something to meet
single people."
Angela Pecora, 53, of Bohemia, divorced two years
ago after 23 years of marriage. She gave speed dating
a try, and it worked, at least temporarily: She met a
man she liked and spent all her time with him, until
they broke up a few months ago.
Sitting in the spa's relaxation room, Ms. Pecora
said she hoped to meet a new man, preferably someone
at least 44 years old. Meanwhile, a new girlfriend
might come in handy, though she opted for a
mini-facial first.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Queens Tribune September 6, 2005
------------------------------------------
April 4, 2005
$505,800
By PATRICK GALLAHUE
New York Post readers dug deep into their pockets and
donated a staggering half-million dollars to the Post/UFA
Heroes Fund to benefit the families of the three
firefighters killed and four injured on "Black
Sunday."
"In the worst times of your life, you feel support or
comfort whether it's the fireman or people donating,"
said JoAnn Asch, whose brother, firefighter Richard
Sclafani, was killed in a Brooklyn inferno. "It's just
a nice feeling."
Donations from as small as a dollar to as large as
$100,000 — from actor Denis Leary's Firefighters
Foundation — have poured into the fund in just a
little more than two months.
The fund now stands at a mind-blowing $505,800.
The Post donated $25,000.
"The UFA and its members' thanks go to the New York
Post and its readers for their heartfelt support of
these firefighters and families in the wake of the
Jan. 23 tragedy," said Steve Cassidy, president of the
Uniformed Firefighters Association.
"The Heroes Fund received countless cards and letters
of support about these brave firefighters," he added.
"These well-wishes will be a part of the legacy of
their sacrifice and the enormous efforts of The Post
and its readers to help them through this terrible
time."
Lt. Curtis Meyran, 46, of Battalion 26; John Bellew,
of Ladder Co. 27; and Sclafani, of Ladder Co. 103,
died in twin blazes on Jan. 23, which has come to be
known as Black Sunday.
Sclafani was killed after he was trapped in the
basement of a burning house in East New York.
Meyran and Bellew died trying to escape a horrific
Bronx building blaze. Trapped by flames, the heroes
were forced to make a fatal jump from the fifth floor.
Firefighters Jeffrey Cool, 37, and Joseph DiBernardo,
34, both of Rescue Co. 3; and Eugene Stolowski, 33,
and Brendan Cawley, 31, of Ladder Co. 27, were badly
hurt in the Bronx fire and spent weeks in the hospital
recovering from their injuries.
DiBernardo returned home March 9 from the burn unit of
New York Weill Cornell Medical Center after 45 days.
Fire Department Commissioner Nicholas Scoppetta said,
"On behalf of everyone in the FDNY, I thank The Post
and all New Yorkers who contributed to the Heroes
Fund.
"Your extraordinary support after the tragic events of
Jan. 23, 2005, have done much to bolster the spirits
of our members during this terrible time. The fund
will be a tremendous help in supporting our three
families who lost loved ones on that tragic day."
In addition to Leary's giant donation, The Post kicked
in $25,000, Barbara Walters gave $5,000, and ordinary
citizens found some extraordinary ways to raise cash.
Firefighter Rob Carlo, of Ladder Co. 23, put together
a bash in Queens that raised more than $20,000.
Because overtime is such as crucial part of a
firefighter's paycheck, Carlo said he worried for the
families of the injured.
"I'm sure they're having a hard time making ends
meet," he said. "They shouldn't have to worry about
money at a time like this."
Carlo, who lost his younger brother, firefighter
Michael Carlo, on Sept. 11, added, "The country was so
good after 9/11, I want to do what I can for these
guys, because I know the hardship."
Even an
enterprising matchmaker plans to get in on the act by
cashing in on the enduring firefighter fetish.
Jay Rosensweig, president of Weekenddating.com, put
together a speed-dating event last month with bona
fide FDNY smoke-eaters — and a portion of the profits
went to the UFA Widows and Children's Fund.
"I'd love to do the next one for the Heroes Fund,"
Rosensweig said. "I know I'll have absolutely no
trouble getting the women. They go bananas for this."
The last event raised more than $1,000, including
money raised by the bar.
"I was never disappointed by New Yorkers," Asch said.
"I'm a New Yorker, and I always feel that when times
are rough, they help."
All the money goes into a special account set up at
Amalgamated Bank of New York. The firefighters union
said it will divide the funds evenly among the
families and take no deduction for administrative
expenses.
Credit-card donations can't be accepted, and IRS rules
bar the contributions from being tax-deductible.
Telephone inquiries about the fund can be directed to
Sheila Pettit of the UFA at (212) 545-6962. If you
want to help, send a check to:
Heroes Fund, c/o Uniformed Firefighters Association,
204 E. 23rd St., New York, N.Y. 10010
-----------------------------------------------------------
Queens Tribune: Sept. 8, 2004
Dating Service Owner’s 9/11 Mission
By MARK M. FOX
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Jay
Rosensweig plans to donate all September receipts to
9/11 charities.
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The owner of the first speed-dating service in Queens
remembers that the second Saturday in September carries more
significance than simply being one of the days when singles
gather to socialize under the umbrella of his
WeekendDating.com service.
It is the day when the entire nation will grieve for and
honor the sacrifices made by those who perished in the
terrorist attacks three years ago, and Jay Rosensweig is
planning to do his part by donating all of the profits for
his September dating events to two charities, one directly
related to 9/11 and another aimed at helping troops
overseas.
“I always wanted to do something like this, but was unable
to do so until the business actually began to generate
profits,” said the 33-year-old Bayside resident. “This year
was especially appropriate since Sept. 11 falls on a
Saturday, which adds significance to my next event.”
Speed is the name of the game with Rosensweig’s company that
produced its inaugural event on Valentine’s Day in 2003.
Rosensweig got the idea for it after attending a similar
event in Manhattan, where singles are given no more than
four minutes for each “date” and then move on to the next
one. At the end of the event, they submit the cards marked
up with the names of those they find suitable for a
second—hopefully longer—date, and receive contact
information of a person, or persons, who express similar
interest in them in return.
“I felt that people in Queens are in need of a service like
this,” he said. “Besides, the Manhattan meetings took place
on a weekday, and I felt that for working people like myself
it would be better to meet on weekends.”
Rosensweig, apparently, is not only an owner, but also a
client.
“I am at an age when many of my friends are either married
with kids or getting married,” he said. For Rosensweig, who
is single and unattached, his creates peer pressure to enter
into a meaningful relationship, and his dating service
allows him to meet a larger number of people than simply
using the traditional singles scene.
For the first WeekendDating event, 25 people showed up,
Rosensweig said. Since then, the numbers have been growing
rapidly, and he gradually increased the frequency of events
to five per month, taking place in Brooklyn, Queens and Long
Island, with the bulk of the borough events conducted at the
Sly Fox in Fresh Meadows.
The increased popularity of his service, according to
Rosensweig, is in a close personal approach he takes to
every client.
“The concept of my service is not new—many companies now
offer similar stuff at similar prices,” he said. “What
differs is when people want to contact me, they get a live
person on the phone rather than an answering machine or
communicating via e-mail. People are not used to personal
service of this kind and they are shocked at how they are
treated when they show up for an event.”
Rosensweig is planning to split his donations regionally,
with those from Long Island events going to the Long Island
September 11 Memorial Fund, created by the Long Island
Association of Retired New York City Firefighters. The
memorial, to be built on campus of SUNY University of
Farmingdale, will commemorate the nearly 400 Long Island
residents who lost their lives in the attacks.
The profits from Brooklyn and Queens events will go to the
Freedom Calls Foundation, an organization that provides
Internet centers in Iraq to make it easier for soldiers to
communicate with their families, friends and loved ones.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OUR TOWNS:
DATELINES
Newsday
August 17, 2004
ISLANDWIDE
Speed-dating firm
to raise money for 9/11
Long Islanders might have
another reason to go on dates next month.
Local speed-dating
company WeekendDating.com will donate all profits from September
singles parties to Sept. 11 charities.
"I felt this was the
least I could do," said Jay Rosensweig, an Internet researcher from
Bayside who founded WeekendDating.com in February of last year. "I
was looking to do something September 11-related; a lot of people
are still affected to this day."
This year, Sept. 11 falls on
a Saturday, when Rosensweig, 33, would normally be hosting an event
around Long Island, Queens or Brooklyn, he said.
"I just
didn't feel right earning money on September 11," he said. "It just
seemed like this was the right time as far as being able to give
something back."
Proceeds from the company's parties in
Brooklyn and Queens will benefit the Freedom Calls Foundation, which
provides Internet communication for troops in Iraq.
Long
Island event profits will go to the Long Island September 11
Memorial, a project created by the Long Island Association of
Retired New York City Firefighters to honor the nearly 400 Long
Islanders who died in the terrorist attacks.
The $8-million
memorial, planned to be built at Farmingdale State University, will
include a building with biographies of the Long Islanders who were
lost that day and other resources depending on what their families
need, said Robert DeSilva, a retired New York City firefighter who
is heading up the project.
Rosensweig said he's hoping to
raise up to $10,000 for the charities.
- DEBORAH HIRSCH
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 9/9/04-
Singles Group to Help Out 9-11 Charities
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