You can have The New Intimacy in your life. And, it's easier than you
All you have to do is begin practicing the first of these ten steps. When you feel comfortable, add the next one that attracts you most. Before longyou'll notice a difference in your confidence, self-respect, your capacity to give and receive love and, of course, the intimacy that makes it allworthwhile.
See what magic you create!
Step 1: ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS. Do you have trouble accepting compliments?
Most people do. The first step toward The New Intimacy is to pay attention
to every compliment you receive -- from anyone. A compliment is
love-in-shorthand. Practice accepting compliments with a simple, "Thank
you." Your heart will open, you will begin to feel generous and eager to
give the gift of taking what someone wants to give to you. Then, watch the
world become a place you only imagined was possible.
Step 2: NOTICE DIFFERENCES. Differences hold the key to a richer and more
meaningful life. Our differences are the celebration of all that is
possible, including you. As you practice the basic truth that -- the other
person is not you -- so that you have to discover who he or she is, you will
move beyond isolation, loneliness and the yearning for connection. The
simple act of paying attention to how different other people are from you
will change your life forever.
Step 3: EXPRESS YOURSELF. No one just like you has ever lived before or
will ever live again. That's much more than a superficial observation. It is
as profound a truth as there is in this life. When you appreciate just how
unique you are, you will understand the importance of never shortchanging
the truth of what you feel, what you believe and what you desire. You will
never pass this way again just as you are. Express yourself. Give your
partner, and yourself, the chance to find out what it is that makes you you.
Step 4: RESERVE JUDGMENT. It's so easy for us to get caught up insisting on
what we think is right, or sensible, or appropriate. Those are judgments.
When you make them in a knee-jerk fashion, without thinking, without taking
the time to find out if they really apply, you not only wipe out the person
you hurl them at, you sentence yourself to the solitary confinement of being
the way you've always been. If you yearn for more from your life, one of the
simplest ways you can have more is to reserve judgment and let others and
the world become your teacher. When you take the time to reserve judgment,
you will liberate yourself from the solitary confinement of being the way
you've always been.
Step 5: LISTEN ACTIVELY. Talking is easy for most people. Listening is
another story. To listen actively you have to tune in to your partner's
experience from his or her own point of view. That's the only way you'll
know what's really going on. Otherwise all that happens is you stay stuck in
your own world, waiting for your turn. So, open to a possibility that's
different from your own. You know how boring mutual monologues can be!
Step 6: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. In any relationship, two people are always
teaching each other exactly how they expect to be treated right from the
first moment. So, you have impact. Every relationship is co-created, that's
the beauty of being with someone. Why waste your time pretending to be
powerless. That's only a game you play with yourself. When you take care
with who you are, you give your partner the opportunity to care for you.
Step 7: DISAGREE. Can you say "No" when you have to? Or do you keep your
frustrations hidden until you explode? If so, you're being disrespectful of
you and your partner. Differences are bound to rise in any relationship.
They are a chance to define who you are distinct from your partner. Make a
point of voicing your disagreement. Stop yourself from being invisible.
Step 8: LOVE EVERYDAY. Don't let any day go by without expressing your love
in some way. It doesn't take much. Just give small kindnesses! Little
gifts, surprise notes, special snuggling, calls to the office, you name it.
These small moments of affection will keep your love alive and open your
conscious creativity to ever more delights. After all, what's the point of
being with someone and not enjoying it!?
Step 9: ASK, ASK, ASK. It's not true that if you have to ask for what you
want it won't
mean as much. That's an adolescent belief. In a real relationship, your
partner can't hear what you're not saying. Trust enough to make yourself
available to the relationship and to getting what you want. When you hold
back and then are disappointed, you only creat resentment.
Step 10: INCLUDE CONFLICT. When two people live together over time,
inevitable. If you deny that fact, you will suffocate the life out of your
relationship. The point is, how can you make them productive? Conflict is
just like the sand in an oyster -- annoying, irritating, but you have to
have it to get the pearl!
Step 11: BE CURIOUS. Genuine curiosity is the finest aphrodisiac there is.
When your partner wants to know who you really are, the good and the
not-so-good, the whole package, what finer compliment can you ask for? And
when you let your partner in to your thoughts and feelings, what finer gift
can you give in turn?
Step 12: RECEIVE LOVE. Love may not always show up just as you expect. In
fact, it's unavoidable that your partner will express love is ways you
hadn't anticipated. He is not you. She is not you. If you only want love to
come the way you want it, you'll only get what you've always had. Real love
is a wonder that will come from beyond your imagination. Open and receive